Depression

[Mr. Blocks]

Hello all.

Since Nobody posted that thread on "Depressions a bitch", I have again felt the need to get myself to a doctor. I don't have much to say on the subject right now, only that I can't get anything done because of it.

I always hate to admit I'm depressed. It feels like a cop out, an excuse to suit the things I don't get done.

I've been on medication twice now, both within 3 years. I'm seeing the doctor on Monday, after having changed my doctor today. I felt my previous doctor was a bit useless and just threw meds in my direction.

My girlfriend thinks I should seek counseling, but I'm not convinced by it. I just hate that I keep getting this relapse every year. I can't live without dark thoughts that make it impossible for me to be happy with most things. I never seem to enjoy anything these days.

I only ever stayed on my medication for as long as it took to make me feel "happy" again. And then I was off of them. I don't like the idea that I need medication to make myself feel whole, because without them I question whether or not life is worth it "Why bother when I don't enjoy being here?".

I'm at university right now, and we're in week six (out of 12) and I've done nothing. I can't concentrate on getting anything done, which only infuriates me even more.

I'm either mellow (dead pan/no expression) or an extreme negative. I can be more than content, but it doesn't usually last very long. I'm not really sure why I'm bothering to write this down here, perhaps because I know other people here know what it is like.

I imagine life where I could wake up and actually want to be awake and do something. A life where I can see good in things, where I can appreciate and be thankful for what I have. I can't say I hate the persona I show everyone else, it's a social fitting. I can pretend to enjoy the company of others, because it's what I have to do.

I'm hoping this time my doctor can give me a little more than just throwing medication at me. I want to know what is going on with me. How do I stop this from happening, if I can?
------

Hoping to hear from people who understand the "condition". Talking to my partner can seem a little pointless because I get the feeling I'm making something out of nothing. Even though the way I feel is genuine, if she hasn't experienced it, she can't understand what I mean.

[smorzando]

I get what you mean. I wish I knew what to say to you but I don't. Just really wanted to reply to say that I get what you mean, though.

I've generally found talking to people far more helpful than meds. Meds are (in my opinion) a waste of time, but they can be and are helpful to some people. Just, the problem is finding the right person to talk to. That can be incredibly tiresome.

smorz.

[Henry P]

I disagree- medication is necessary in many cases to allow sufferers to find their feet and give them time to seek solutions to the burdens that cause the depression. It obviously helps if there is support and empathy from everyone close to you, but with medication and support like cognitive behaviour therapy, sufferers can get over the worst and begin to think their way out of the darkness, which can strike anyone, even the apparently immune and uncomprehending.. Time can be a great healer, so do not despair.

[Mr. Blocks]

I get what you mean. I wish I knew what to say to you but I don't. Just really wanted to reply to say that I get what you mean, though.

I've generally found talking to people far more helpful than meds. Meds are (in my opinion) a waste of time, but they can be and are helpful to some people. Just, the problem is finding the right person to talk to. That can be incredibly tiresome.

smorz.

Thanks for the reply. I wasn't expecting anything, let alone anything specific.

Talking to people. I always find the people I try to speak with are a pointless bunch. I try and talk with my partner but it doesn't work. I don't really have anyone close enough with which I'd feel okay with talking to, about anything that could potentially see me getting down.

I've never really had anyone to share my issues with, not sure if that's a mixture of always being quiet and reserved as a child, and the fact I'm a guy with no female friends. Men don't usually do the talking thing.

As for medication, I've been given medication on two occasions, and both times I would take myself off of them once I felt good enough to do it. From what other say, they helped me change who I was.

I disagree- medication is necessary in many cases to allow sufferers to find their feet and give them time to seek solutions to the burdens that cause the depression. It obviously helps if there is support and empathy from everyone close to you, but with medication and support like cognitive behaviour therapy, sufferers can get over the worst and begin to think their way out of the darkness, which can strike anyone, even the apparently immune and uncomprehending.. Time can be a great healer, so do not despair.

My doctor told me the same. Medication is meant to help someone stand up and escape the hole they are in. Sometimes I wake up and feel I have no reason to wake. Even if I have something to do, I will convince myself I don't need to do it.

Without medication, I don't think I'm able to see "good" in many things. Perhaps I do need something to alter the chemicals in my head for me to be able to overcome this. I don't know.

I don't like the idea that I need medication to make my life worth living sometimes. I feel I have nothing to be so down about, yet I find myself becoming lost in nothing.

Thanks for the reply.

[Henry P]

you can find some really nice and helpful people on a website called Dealing with Depression co.uk
You have to register, but the members are all sufferers who are very patient, understanding, practical and generous with time.
Take care of yourself

[Mr. Blocks]

Thanks, I am going to sign up to that site now.

I just got back from the doctors and I'm back on meds. Told me that counseling isn't much use for people that have nothing which triggered depression.

2 weeks before my assignments are due in at uni, and I have yet to start. Meds take about a month before they work, not sure how I'm going to do it.

[Henry P]

Which meds are you on? I was on citalopram, which kicks in quick than prozac/oxactin/ fluoxetine.
Is there really no cause? Go through your disappointments and worries. Any recurring ones might be the trigger. Take care

[RevolutionOFpoetry]

Hi mate,

I suffered from anxiety with a little depression and was prescribed medication but it made me even worse.

There are natural things you can do to help; I go running 2 to 3 times a week, running produces endorphins in the brain helping with any such condition. But any exercise is a help, and also diet can help.

Another thing that helps is counselling, It's surprisingly helpful to tell a stranger your thoughts and problems and get a fare opinion.

One more thing is meditation and breathing exercises, by deeply breathing in ten times a day reduces the built up of toxins in the body.

Hope this helps

Dan

[Henry P]

Counselling didn't help me- it made me confront the worries I was trying to forget. One counsellor was unsympathetic , in it for the money, the other quiet and sympathetic but ultimately unhelpful. Medication definitely helps to lift the spirits, as does finding someone else who has suffered the same rather than a counsellor who probably hasn't. Cognitive behaviour therapy can help, although it isn't cheap, or easily available on the NHS. Those who do not suffer or pretend they don't can be very unsympathetic and unwittingly condescending to those of us they see as somehow inferior

[Mr. Blocks]

Which meds are you on? I was on citalopram, which kicks in quick than prozac/oxactin/ fluoxetine.
Is there really no cause? Go through your disappointments and worries. Any recurring ones might be the trigger. Take care

I'm also on citalopram, this is the third time I've been on them.

What would a disappointment be? an example? Also an example of a worry?

I'm not really sure what I'd be looking for.

Hi mate,

I suffered from anxiety with a little depression and was prescribed medication but it made me even worse.

There are natural things you can do to help; I go running 2 to 3 times a week, running produces endorphins in the brain helping with any such condition. But any exercise is a help, and also diet can help.

Another thing that helps is counselling, It's surprisingly helpful to tell a stranger your thoughts and problems and get a fare opinion.

One more thing is meditation and breathing exercises, by deeply breathing in ten times a day reduces the built up of toxins in the body.

Hope this helps

Dan

My doctor told me I should exercise frequently. I keep telling myself I will start running at night, but it never happens. I'm trying to pull an all nighter tonight so I can get to sleep at a decent time tonight. My sleeping pattern sucks.

Thanks for the input.

------

As for a councillor, I get the feeling I'd find I have an issue with them.

[Henry P]

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear: by disappointments I meant times when you were rejected,overlooked, looked down on, offended, insulted, bullied, felt that nothing was going your way, that no-one appreciated you- these all build up, almost subconsciously to create a permanent state of melancholy, if not outright depression, and can lead you to withdraw from living life more fully.

[McCann]

Hey im no expert I can only speak from my experience, I have been up and down with depression for a long while, and yes excersise does help but just being able to go and do the simplest of tasks isnt easy, so dont try and force yourself to excersise just because your doc says so, there are many key factors to battling with depression, from my point of view, my diet was very important, cutting down on coffee, for anxiety helps, sleep pattern will be stinky for a while, try and get prescribed some sleeping tablets in order to get into the habit of sleeping, you obviously need some sort of anti depressant, I am on prozac and it has chaned my life for real, I was very suicidal and attempted on more than one occasion to take away my own life, when I think about that now it seems so long ago, I couldnt imagine what it feels like now, I stillp feel low on days but dont we all, I have had therapy too and that helped me to change the way I think about things, that is also the key, dependant on how you view your future, it isnt the thoughts that affect your mind it is the way they are implemented, I would love to tell you it will be easy but there is no depression that comes with ease, I will listen anytime you want to air your feelings, I think there are lots of outlets you can go down, therapy is definately a way forward, I thought I would have issues with therapists but finding a good one will help, just to be able to be told your not the only one too helps, Keep writing and keep your mind active, any thoughts you may have, write about them, it helps to be able to get them out of your head particuraly if you have no one to share your issues with,
Tell me to butt out but I came across this post and felt I needed to reply,
Love and light to you and take care X

[Henry P]

Strangely, I never had any problem with sleeping, and even now feel the need to sleep when I'm depressed, as if I'm escaping from reality into unconsciousness. At the moment I'm not on medication, but I doubt if I'll never need them again in the future. Talking therapies alone are for the strong-willed, and vulnerable people like the depressed are rarely that strong

[CreamyIllegalApple]

I used to force myself to get up at 5am every morning, stuff myself with something, then do a heavy endurance workout for a full hour. I'd do that every day before going to school, and then drink a protein shake of 40g of protein. It was great, and it stopped my depression. Then, one day, I decided I was too tired, and then I just stopped, and I became depressed again. So I would recommend some kind of workout plan. When you're really energetic and strong as a result of working out, it's kind of rare that you feel depressed. (Or maybe that's just me and my teenage hormones)

I hope this post helps you.

[TroostAvenue]

I'm glad this got back up to the top of the listings so I can ask how you are doing. I clearly recall my first episode of sever depression. I was 14 and that's 55 years ago. I made it through university, medical school, post doctorals (2), and 25 years of medical practice till the medications were available that helped. I also clearly remember the morning I woke up and told my wife that I thought I was actually happy. Talk therapy had done nothing for me in the absence of meds and, though is now has been shown to have some measurable effect on brain chemistry, it's not nearly what you get from the proper medications. It's mostly abnormal brain chemistry, probably genetic, and not your fault. Depression can be triggered by, but probably is not caused by, life events.

I hope you have found a medication that works for you. I long ago resigned my self to taking my happy pills the rest of my life. Doesn't bother me a bit. I recently was off for only 5 days and wrote one of my best suicide poems ever. Scared the hell out of me.

[MzDiMEZ]

I personally can relate to this subject. See, I have biplor/ Depression and for me it's really hard to deal with even as an adult, I find myself freakin out at the littlest things now adays. I do take my meds and I feel like when am on them , I'am clam and relaxed but when am off of them, I cry sometimes for no reason. I don't want to rely on the medication cause that can make you dependant on it but, i feel better knowing that I won't scare anyone or anybody around me.

[Deedah]

Personally, I feel like all these "disorders" and "diseases" are a result of circumstance. (I'm not talking about real psychiatric disorders. I'm talking about the ones that pharmacutical companies salivate over, ones that require zoloft, and respiratol, ones that are marketed for you, just dont buy into it.) Whenever I felt depressed in my life, it was a direct result of the life I was leading and the people I associated with. If you change your life and take charge of it and find meaning, then you won't be so upset anymore. Taking medication sometimes isn't the answer or quick fix people are looking for sometimes it means dropping out of university, finding a job you love, getting a divorce or finally doing that thing you always said you were gonna do. If you "failed" in life, a pill isn't going to solve that. Persoanlly I cut off all my friends, started working towards tangible goals and found something I love to do for a living. That's what made me happy, and I'll stick with it, cause once the pills wear off you're stuck with an emptiness that can never be filled.

[BroadStreetBully]

........

[Mr. Blocks]

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear: by disappointments I meant times when you were rejected,overlooked, looked down on, offended, insulted, bullied, felt that nothing was going your way, that no-one appreciated you- these all build up, almost subconsciously to create a permanent state of melancholy, if not outright depression, and can lead you to withdraw from living life more fully.

It's difficult to remember, but as a child I remember a few things revolving around things of a sexual nature. Some things I haven't ever forgotten, but would rather not mention it here. It is clear to me now that this has a great part of how I think about things sexually these days, making my life with my fiancée really quite difficult. It's the thoughts I can't go a day without, and i can't imagine my thoughts in someone elses head not having a damping effect on them, as it does me. I was always socially lacking, even now my interesting in my own friends is difficult to keep up.

Hey im no expert I can only speak from my experience, I have been up and down with depression for a long while, and yes excersise does help but just being able to go and do the simplest of tasks isnt easy, so dont try and force yourself to excersise just because your doc says so, there are many key factors to battling with depression, from my point of view, my diet was very important, cutting down on coffee, for anxiety helps, sleep pattern will be stinky for a while, try and get prescribed some sleeping tablets in order to get into the habit of sleeping, you obviously need some sort of anti depressant, I am on prozac and it has chaned my life for real, I was very suicidal and attempted on more than one occasion to take away my own life, when I think about that now it seems so long ago, I couldnt imagine what it feels like now, I stillp feel low on days but dont we all, I have had therapy too and that helped me to change the way I think about things, that is also the key, dependant on how you view your future, it isnt the thoughts that affect your mind it is the way they are implemented, I would love to tell you it will be easy but there is no depression that comes with ease, I will listen anytime you want to air your feelings, I think there are lots of outlets you can go down, therapy is definately a way forward, I thought I would have issues with therapists but finding a good one will help, just to be able to be told your not the only one too helps, Keep writing and keep your mind active, any thoughts you may have, write about them, it helps to be able to get them out of your head particuraly if you have no one to share your issues with,
Tell me to butt out but I came across this post and felt I needed to reply,
Love and light to you and take care X

I'm tempted by the idea of a therapist, but still quite hesitant about it. I know I need to change how I think, because now it only takes a moments thought to ruin a few hours of my day, until I forget the thought, and then think again for it to ruin me further.

I haven't attempted suicide, thought of it, I still get thoughts of slicing myself, which would be quite odd to tell people in person I reckon, so I don't. I haven't done that either, the urge isn't as strong as it once was to be honest.

If I were to talk to you, or even write down my thoughts, I'm confused in where to start, thinking what is worth writing down?

I appreciate the input :)

I'm glad this got back up to the top of the listings so I can ask how you are doing. I clearly recall my first episode of sever depression. I was 14 and that's 55 years ago. I made it through university, medical school, post doctorals (2), and 25 years of medical practice till the medications were available that helped. I also clearly remember the morning I woke up and told my wife that I thought I was actually happy. Talk therapy had done nothing for me in the absence of meds and, though is now has been shown to have some measurable effect on brain chemistry, it's not nearly what you get from the proper medications. It's mostly abnormal brain chemistry, probably genetic, and not your fault. Depression can be triggered by, but probably is not caused by, life events.

I hope you have found a medication that works for you. I long ago resigned my self to taking my happy pills the rest of my life. Doesn't bother me a bit. I recently was off for only 5 days and wrote one of my best suicide poems ever. Scared the hell out of me.

I'm not the only one in my family to have suffered from this, so gentics could play a part. Brain chemistry seems to be a real candidate, it explains a lot for me at least.

It strikes me how you say you went off your medication for 5 days and wrote one of your best suicide poems. I'm off medication now, whilst on them I didn't think of suicide or self-harm, but now it enters my mind randomly it seems, at least a few times each day.

Though I feel better than I have been, just trying to sort my life out so I'm content, not sure what the future is going to be like to be honest. Feel bound, wanting to break out on a mad streak of living, simply because I must be missing something.

[Mr. Blocks]

Recently dropped out of uni and moved to the Republic of Ireland. Decided 3 weeks before I moved away. Why not? Uni wasn't working for me, life wasn't, there has to be something and perhaps I'll find that in Ireland. If not, I'll try somewhere else.

[Ike]

my dear...depression sucks! Not only do I have it but I worked as a charge nurse in a mental health facility for 10 years of my career. I understand all the feelings you express. I really think that if you accept the medication as a part of life it won't be so bad. Taking medication for Depression doesn,t have the stigma it did 10 years ago and from your initial indication of how you felt...I have been there. Within 3 years I lost my father, had a new baby, completed nursing school, nearly died from pneumonia and had a hysterectomy. My doctor explained it to me as though I had burned up all the serotonin my body could make with stress. To keep my levels up i needed to add something that would help do that. It really is no different than Diabetes. With Diabetes the pancreas doesn't make enough insulin to put the carbohydrates to work so they build up and make the blood like syrup. With Antidepressants they replace the chemicals we are missing to help us handle stress. I will never go off them again. I hate the fear of that black hole opening up and falling into it and being consumed. My depression (at was so bad at one time I attempted suicide....sounds dumb...but when you do not have the brain chemistry to think you do things you would have never done otherwise. Good luck to you and may you find peace from this monster.

[abrillgreen]

Some humans will disagree with this, but I accept abounding types of abasement can be advised by artlessly alteration your thoughts and renewing your mind. It absolutely formed for me as my abasement stemmed from years of abrogating cerebration and low cocky confidence. So a lot of the tips and advice actuality will be centered about these subjects.

[jaxter]

I agreeing the views of Henry P totally. Medication is not only a way to remove depression. You may try to do meditation which is very helpful in removing this problem. You also try to take rest from your work for some days and go for holidays in hilly areas. I think this will be helpful.