Have you ever?

[rantingpete]

no (haha, but you've given me an idea now!). I might have dropped it on the floor once.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever dreamed you were asleep?

[Poetical]

Oh yeah, I ha ve some strange ones indeed, only last night I dreamed I died and was stuck in total nothingness.


Have you ever played a prank on someone and it backfired on you?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever spat at someone?

[rantingpete]

Never.

Have you ever smoked?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever fainted?

[rantingpete]

Yeh, I used to faint alot in church when I was a kid.

Have you ever read Kerouac's On The Road?

[Henry P]

I fainted once, and in church too.
I've read On the Road, and didn't see what the fuss was about, sort of Hemingway without a good story.

Have you ever been taken to hospital by ambulance?

[BattyOldMaid]

Yes, I had severe post natal depression and under extreme pressure from my other halfs unreasonable family, did something stupid, well it wasn't stupid at the time, just a release from pressure.

Have you ever lied to your doctor about eating healthy, smoking or drinking quanity?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever broken a tooth?

[rantingpete]

a couple (cost me a fortune getting it fixed), and fractured one too.

Have you ever pretended you weren't in when a friend called round?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever known anyone who was sectioned because of their mental health?

[rantingpete]

yeh, a few old friends spent time in a mental institution.

Have you ever farted involuntarily getting out of a chair?

[Henry P]

Yes

Have you ever swallowed some vomit?

[Understanding Alice]

Yes and it completely eughhh...

Have you ever been somewhere idylic and just wished you were home?

[Henry P]

Yes. Last September in Sardinia. I was knackered after the journey there and thought the room was much smaller than I expected. I wished I was back home

Have you ever been stuck in a public toilet without paper?

[Understanding Alice]

always. Im a girl...

have you ever rescued a worm from the pavement?

[rantingpete]

no. but my mate, Phil, was and he had to clean himself with his underpants and flush them down the loo!

How about you?

Have you ever owned a dog?

[Henry P]

Never, but I always put them back into soil when I see them around my garden, poor things.
Have you ever been bitten by a dog?

[Henry P]

The previous reply was to Alice!

I've never owned a dog.

Have you ever watched a pet die?

[rantingpete]

I do it everyday (and snails).

Have you ever stolen anything?

[Henry P]

Yes. loads.

Library books, videos, paper, pens, stationery stuff from work. A saw from school, that yellow and black barrier tape. Trivia too numerous to list

[Angel In Darkness]

no


Have you ever broke up with someone you were in love with because you were affraid of how you were feeling?

[Poetical]

No never, have you?

[Henry P]

I broke up with a girl because I knew I'd never really love her.

Have you ever insulted a cold caller?

[rantingpete]

I tell Jahovah Witnesses i'm catholic, that seems to insult them.

Have you ever walked out of a gig?

[Poetical]

oh yeah and more than once too, some bands are just no good



Have you ever made money from someone elses misery?

[Understanding Alice]

thankfully, no.

have you ever had people assume they know all about you based on the one or two things they know?

[Angel In Darkness]

yes

Have you ever drove or flew some where to meet someone off the internet?

[Henry P]

Not yet. All the women refuse.

Have you ever witnessed an arrest. I did last night. Some black guy in ealing after a noisy domestic across the road

[Angel In Darkness]

yes i have...


Have you ever had to have someone arrested?

[Poetical]

Actually, yes, this gang of gobshites tried one night during christmas to rob the the satelite dish off my mothers house while we were watching the tele, but they didn't realise that about 15 blokes were actually in the house at the time watching football replys on sky tv. yes there was a big charge out the front door when someone inside said they seen a fella on the roof. 5 of the silly little twits were serverly beaten and then handed over to the local filth when they finally arrived after about an hour. that was a funny night.


Have you ever gone carol singing?

[Angel In Darkness]

yes i have n i loved it...


Have you ever sang in font of someone?

[Poetical]

Many times, I used to do a lot of drama years ago and also managed and played in a few minor rock bands too



Have yo ever given the wrong directions to someone intentionally

[Angel In Darkness]

no but i have thought of about doing it... lol...


have you ever read poetry that you have wrote yourself to a group of people?

[Poetical]

Only to close friends and as far as I can remember only when I was drunk, though not in a good few years



Have you ever forgot where you parked your car after coming out of the mall or supermarket?

[Angel In Darkness]

yes frequently...


have you ever called someone by the wrong name?

[Henry P]

Frequently when I was a teacher.

Have you ever been assaulted by a stranger?

[rantingpete]

I was a victim of knife-crime 2 years ago. 4 geezers tried to rob me, I knocked one out proper then ran (without my bags). Bastards!

Have you punched a door?

[Poetical]

Only when the person I was aiming for moved to quickly.



Have you ever Smiled?

[Angel In Darkness]

yes


Have you ever had an internet romantic relationship?

[Henry P]

Not yet.

Have you ever fallen for an email telling you about money you could inherit from dead unknown relatives?

[BattyOldMaid]

LMAO - nope, I know where all my rich relatives live!

Have you ever given up on a diet before you really started it properly?

[Henry P]

Yes, but I'm dieting now, and am determined to return to normal weight

Have you ever suffered a potentially fatal illness?

[Angel In Darkness]

yes


Have you ever been in a fight at school or when you went to school?

[Henry P]

Yes- some silly twat rubbied autumn leaves into my hair at infant school, so i went for him and scratched his face , drawing blood. I was smacked on the legs by my teacher

Have you ever been hit by a teacher?

[BattyOldMaid]

ermmm, not that I can remember, no, but I do remember my arm being yanked, is that the same thing?


Have you ever hit a teacher?

[rantingpete]

No, never hit a teacher, I was caned at school for laughing at a priest in the middle of mass. I saw the teacher years later at a gig and was tempted to get revenge!!

Have you ever wished you weren't born?

[Angel In Darkness]

No


Have you ever traveled out of the Country you live in?

[Henry P]

Yes- I've been to Belgium, Germany, Poland, Holland, France, Italy, Ireland and Israel. (not counting Wales and Scotland)

Have you ever been in hospital abroad?

[rantingpete]

No.

Have you ever given up your seat to a pregnant woman who wasn't pregnant, just over-weight?

[Henry P]

Not to my knowledge

Have you ever sat in a toilet on a train because it was packed?

[rantingpete]

No, I'd probably fall asleep and miss my stop.

Have you ever owned a caravan?

[Henry P]

Never, but my best mate had one

Have you ever fancied a woman taller than yourself? I haven't. (I'm 5' 11)

[rantingpete]

I too am 5' 11". My ex was taller than me but I prefer it the other way round like yourself. I like to put my arm around a womans shoulder.

Have you ever forgot your wife's name for a split-second?

[Henry P]

Yes, while I was writing my last post. (My wife is 5 ' 2 and easy to overlook)

Have you ever gone out with someone fatter than yourself?

[rantingpete]

Yes. I'm quite attracted to big women sometimes. My missus is slim.

Have you ever grown an apple tree from seed?

[Poetic Lass]

No, but my grandparents did.

Have you ever been so confused, it made you want to pull your hair out? lol

[Henry P]

Answer to Pete:
A few of my girlfriends were on the fleshy side, but my wife was quite petite when I met her. I like all sorts.

I've never grown an apple tree from seed because you get crab apples unless you graft eating apples onto the resulting plant ( I think) I have a Cox tree in my garden.

Aingeal:
No, but I've been known to hit my own head in frustration


Have you ever gained weight which wiped out your previous diet's good work?

[Poetic Lass]

Of course, I am female, after all.

Have you ever contemplated everything in existence, and why everything is the way it is?

[Henry P]

I do that every day, Aingeal , my dear.

Have you ever wept at work?

[Poetical]

Only while peeling Onions



Have you ever wet yourself?

[rantingpete]

Yes, I was on my way back from Coventry when I was 18 and go stuck on the M1, I just sat there and pissed myself in the drivers seat, then I had to get petrol in Dartford, I was wearing grey trousers! Enough said! haha

Have you ever thought about posting a picture of yourself on this forum Henry?

[Henry P]

No, I'm too ugly.

Have you ever wished you were a different nationality?

[BattyOldMaid]

Right now the way the UK is, yes.

Have you ever wished you had different parents than the one you were lumbered with?

[Henry P]

I saw their faults, but not really.
Have you ever hated a parent?

[rantingpete]

Never, I love my parents and am fortunate to have a great relationship with them.

Have you ever wished you had children (or more children that you have)?

[Henry P]

I have a daughter. Sometimes I wish I had another child, but I don't know how I'd have shared or grown my love.

have you ever caused an electrical short circuit?

[Poetical]

I'm not sure but it sounds like fun, any pointers so I can try it out? ha ha no Henry I never did but I did got a shock once about twenty years ago when I plugged in a hair dryer straight after getting out of the bath when my hands were still wet, I didn't need it after that. my hair was instantly spikey. saved on gel too. ha ha


Have ever coughed up blood?

[Henry P]

When I was ten or so, I prodded the bar of an electric fire with a poker and blew the power. My dad made sure I understood about electricity that day.
More recently I ran over the cable of the lawn mower, but this time it was just a matter of fixing the cable and flipping a switch in the fuse box
I've never coughed up blood, thank God
Have you ever missed a flight?

[rantingpete]

No, never missed a flight, missed everything else!

Have you ever swore at your parents?

[Henry P]

We missed a flight in 2004, then again in 2006.
Yes, I swore at my parents.
Have you sworn at your kids?

[rantingpete]

I swore once at my dad, I called him a c*** when I was 10 cos he wanted to spar with me and I wasn't in the mood. I got a right spank for that. And rightly so.

I haven't got any kids but i'm sure if i did and they overstepped the mark I'd use the f-word. Yeh, I can actually hear myself saying, "You little fucker!" :)

Have you ever taken any recreational drugs?

[Poetical]

yes I have and I did inhale, sure what else is there to do when you are young and stupid. though not in a good few years but I wouldn't say no to a nice big spliff right now.


Have you ever cheated on your wife or girlfriend?

[Henry P]

Not yet

Have you ever had your ears syringed?

[Poetical]

No I naver have and don't want to have either, I heard it is the strangest feeling in the world, like getting your brains sucked out.



Have you ever eaten something to try and please someone even though you hated it?

[Henry P]

I've had my ears syringed a few times. strange but you hear again afterwards.

I ate some fat cold home-smoked bacon to please my father-in-law.

Have you ever drunk home-distilled moonshine?

[rantingpete]

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever been to a football match?

[Henry P]

I had moonshine in Poland- pretty smooth.
I used to watch leeds and Huddersfield play when I was younger.

Have you been seasick?

[BattyOldMaid]

no but got train sick in my teens, they put it down to hormones! It was the oil they use to grease the wheels, eurggh.

Have you ever said something without thinking and caused the other person to cry?

My father in law was smarting about the time he went to collect an urn that contained his mother's ashes, how small it was, and he figured there should have been hell of a lot more ashes considering the amount of bone humans have. I was pregnant at the time, fed up with his demands, fed up with his attitude and really tired, and I said "they fill the urn to the brim and use the rest to make tarmac for the road".

Gee, I've never ever broke a grown man, I made him crack and bawl his eyes out!

[Henry P]

Yes, a few times, in the heat of argument

Have you ever had police in your house?

[rantingpete]

Not the one I'm in now but when I was in my 20's I shared a large house with my mates. One was in the TA's and one night after a few drinks he let a flare off in the back garden. It was reported and the police arrived thinking it was a distress call. As we were in the back garden and didn't hear the front door bell they came over the top of the house with shooters, loads of them. I don't think they saw the funny side but no one was arrested.

Have you ever met anyone famous?

[Henry P]

Before i was married, our bastard neighbour, a police sergeant grassed on me for driving alone before I passed my test. No fewer than three coppers turned up late one Sunday night, one no less than an inspector, for maximum effect. I was fined 40 quid or something, but the neighbour has died and it just showed what twats the police are. when I was a boy, a copper used to come to our house once a year to check on my parents, who were Polish, and therefore foreigners who had to be kept an eye on.

I met the playwright Willis Hall and the comic/ poet Ian Macmillan (great guy. instant mate) at my first school.

Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street?

[rantingpete]

I've met all members of the Jam, Bono, Tom McCrae (singer), Richard Thompson (Fairport Convention), Jamie Foreman (actor). I saw Kelly Jones (Stereophonics) in HMV, John Cooper Clarke at Victoria Stn. Probably loads more at the Guardian, oh yeh - Enoch Powell, Tony Blair.

Have you ever owned a dog?

[BattyOldMaid]

no, and I wouldn't want to, can't stand 'wet-dog-smell' at all.

Have you ever owned a cat?

[Henry P]

I had a cat when I was a teenager, a lovely black and white tom with a black tash and beard.

Have you ever been treated for a mental illness?

[rantingpete]

I love cats and dogs. I have a cat come in my house, I don't even know his name, he's great, very vocal and pretty. He's on my bloody bed now - sleeping. I had a cat called Alfie years ago. I have a caravan I spend alot of time in cos it's quiet and all the old folk have dogs which I walk for them, I love it.

Have you ever given the kiss of life?

[Henry P]

I've never given the kiss of life.

Have you ever broken a bone?

[BattyOldMaid]

No, and I'm not envious of anyone who has broken a bone.

Have you ever been envious at someone who has broken a bone?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever run anyone over?

[Poetical]

yes, though it was many years, my family used to have a number of mobile shop vans and one night these two fuckers tried to rob us, so after punching them out the door they ran off, but one of them staggered in front of the van so I put the boot down and knocked him over, ran over both his legs breaking them in the process.


Have you ever shot a gun?

[BattyOldMaid]

Shot no, felt it yes. A friend of mine has a gun and both my boys had a go in shooting rubber bullets! That was in LA not the UK!


Have you ever been grateful for biting your tongue while wanting to point out to someone they are wrong, and it turned out they were right?

[Poetical]

No, I normaly stick by what I say no matter what, I prefer to annalise a situation first before I speak and if I do happen to speak out of turn, well so be it. I probably didn't like the person to begin with anyway so it would be nither here nor there.


Have you ever damaged someones property intentionally?

[Henry P]

No, I haven't.
Have you ever thought you were going to die?

[Poetical]

Yeah, a couple of times at the time. once when I was in a car crash and another time when tis fella pulled a gun on me and a friend over in spain.



Have you ever gotten barred from a favourite social establishment?

[rantingpete]

Yeh I got barred from the pub opposite the company I used to work for. I tried to break up a fight and got into one myself. It was my 30th birthday party. I ended up with a broken nose and tried to hit this twat over the head with a fire extinguisher but it went off and I ended up soaking the entire pub, people had to get their umbrella's out!! Haha!

Have you ever won anything?

[Poetical]

I dont gamble as a rule and never have but I do remember winning 50 quid on a lotto scratch card about 15 years ago. oh and thats a funny story Pete.


Have you ever shoplifted?

[Henry P]

Never- I'll wait till I'm penniless .

Have you ever been racially abused?

[Poetical]

yes I actually have been a few time, when you hear someone calling you an Irish fucker it brings a smile to my face. because I can be from time to time. but I always give as good as I get.


Have you ever been accused in the wrong?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever damaged anyone's car and got away?

[Poetical]

I have, but they did something to me so it was tit for tat.


Have you ever french kissed a stranger, like on new years eve or a celebration or just for the fun of it?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever been burned by fire?

[rantingpete]

No, thank God!

Have you ever fallen down the stairs?

[Poetical]

No, but I fell up term a few times


Have you ever sang Karaoke in a pub?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever been thrown out of a shop, bar or any kind of establishment?

[Poetical]

not physically...


have you?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever driven on a road at over 100 mph?

[rantingpete]

No, speed scares the shit out of me, plus all the cars I've owned wouldn't even reach that speed. I got caught on a speed camera doing 36mph last year and had to attend a speed awareness course so I'm more careful nowadays.

Have you ever tripped over in the street?

[Henry P]

I was caught for going 37 in a 30 zone, ,but I've been up to 117 on motorways. Lucky I wasn't caught.

Yes, I have fallen over in the street. I'm physically a little clumsy.

[BattyOldMaid]

And the question is...? haha, I don't speed, I don't believe in speeding, I stand by the mantra "if you're late then you should have left earlier". As for tripping over the street, yep. The recent one was on Sunday, stupid walking boots had lace ups with hooks and the loop from the other boot caught on the hook from another, lo and behold, did a funny Poriot walk before composing myself and unhook the caught laces.

[Henry P]

Have you ever returned to your car to find it damaged?

[Poetical]

yep, I sure have


have to ever misplaced or lost a video rental?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever been sick in public?

[Poetical]

only while drunk


Have you ever parked illegally ?

[Henry P]

Not for long.
Have you been present at the birth of your child?

[k2hsharpe]

yes, brought me to tears

have you ever been caught talking to yourself?

[Poetical]

I have been caught talking to myself and was also present for the birth of my child and will be again any day now.


Have you ever entered a talent competition?

[Henry P]

I talk to myself all the time, but I've never entered a talent competition.

Have you ever eaten an animal you saw killed?

[rantingpete]

Nah, sod that, I'd turn veggie if I had to kill a cow!

Have you ever voted for a minority party at an election?

[Poetical]

I worked in Anglo Irish Meat Packers on the killing floor from about 88 to 93 so I killed my fair of Sheep and Cattle, I also killed about twenty pigs over the years and numerous Chickens, Ducks, Geese, and Turkeys over the years. along with some other obscure creatures.

I nearly always voted independent back in Ireland, so yes and here in the US if I had the vote which I dont, I would vote Democratic


Have you ever done an ouija board and got a result - good or bad?

[Henry P]

Never been near a ouija board

Have you ever won a bet?

[k2hsharpe]

yes, have won bets
not often enough for it to be habit
only often enough for it to be tragedy..
(laughing)))))))))

have you ever been in love with two at one time?

[BattyOldMaid]

no.

you?

[k2hsharpe]

yes
I've loved 3, and part of me probably always will continue to love each of them

now you get to ask a question

[Poetical]

Do you bite your toenails?

[Henry P]

I can't reach down there.

Have you ever had ingrown toenails?

[Poetical]

Yes I have but got a small operation on both of them and now I don't thank fuck



Have you ever danced like a dervish?

[Henry P]

I used to get them.
I've never danced like a dervish- I don't really dance at all

Have you ever smoked a cigar?

[k2hsharpe]

yes, a somewhat overrated ecsperience, or perhaps an aquired taste?

have you ever spent much time in saunas?

[rantingpete]

Once or twice, not really my thing.

Have you ever thought about just packing ya bags and f***ing off somewhere?

[Poetical]

I have already done that about three or four times in my life, Amsterdam, Gran Canaria, around alot of spain and finally America and I think that I am here to stay.


Have you ever bribed someone to get something that you shouldn't really be getting?

[BattyOldMaid]

For the packing the suitcase question - so many times. We're doing it again this year, moving to America.

Urrrrmmmm, yes I do think I have, but that was when I didn't know any better, abusing my womanly wiles power!

Have you ever bought sweets for your children then at the last minute hide them for until they go to bed and you eat them?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever lost luggage at an airport?

[Poetical]

on the sweet thing,yes once or twice

and yes I have lost luggage at an airport LAX summer 2004 I lost or should I say the airline mislaid one of my bags.


Have you ever had extra marital affiars or at least wished you had, with another close family member?

[BattyOldMaid]

got two brothers and I don't like their wives enough to have an affair with! My husband has a sister and her boyfriend is wet behind the ears "yes dear no dear anything else I'm shitty with dear" kind so ewww no and no thanks.

British Airways lost my bags when I went to Toronto from Heathrow, wasn't bad as it sounds, as I filled the suitcase with clothes I had planned to throw away once I had worn them there, and buy new ones to wear and fill the suitcase with, so that I'd not have to wash anything while I was there for 3 weeks. All in all, I was paid by the insurance and BA for the clothes I "had" to buy hee hee.

Have you ever diddled on your insurance claim?

[Henry P]

Yes. I overclaimed for the "damage" caused to my frozen food after a power cut. £250 for nothing.
have you ever had a serious infectious disease?

[Poetical]

No I haven't, thank fuck



Have you?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you lost teeth?

[Poetical]

yeah but I found them again, on the floor mixed in with the blood


Have you ever gone camping?

[Henry P]

Never been camping, except in my tent on the lawn when I was a boy

Have you ever made a racist remark in public?

[BattyOldMaid]

Oooooh, I love camping, went pack backing around Europe when I was 27 years old, fantastic experience, far better than on the lawn of your house! Going camping in France next week for a week. Ohh la la.

No not made a racist remark in public, wouldn't achieve anything in my opinion.


Have you ever backed down to your children/spouse/parents demands for a pet, and regretted it almost immediately?

[Henry P]

I've not had a pet since I was a teenager.

Have you ever regretted buying anything expensive?

[BattyOldMaid]

Yes, our current house. I hate new built but had to buy it as we had sold our house and had a deadline to get out. Didn't find a property we liked so had to buy quickly which I've regretted ever since. Neighbours plebby and stuck up.


Have you walked out of a restaurant without paying your bills?

[Henry P]

I wished I had after I paid £200 + for four in a Michelin-starred Indian eatery in London for dishes that Sainsbury's does better in microwave boxes.

Weree you ever thrown out a classroom at school?

[Poetical]

I was expelled from school

Were you ever caught by you partner while checking somebody out?

[Henry P]

Not yet, but a woman in a petrol station told me to "stop looking at my arse". I don't think I was.

Have you ever been bullied at work?

[BattyOldMaid]

I got send out of a class for telling a Christian teacher that Religion Knowledge meant diverse religions so that we could pick what we wanted, not every lessons every week all about Christianity. The teachers who walked passed me tut tutted but after hearing my side they agreed with me, as a result the following week, a new teacher took over and we learnt a bit about different religions hahahaha!

I blush way too easy if anyone catches me eyeing them up, so i tend not to.

No, but been bullied in school.


Have you ever declined to eat at someones house because they are bad cooks?

[Henry P]

Never. some of my friends aren't good cooks, but the friendship is more important.
(I still eye women up all the time)

Have you ever been ill after eating at a friend's?

[rantingpete]

Yeh, when I was a kid my mate's mum gave me a pot noodle which put a road right through me. I spewed up all over his new carpet.

Have you ever been splashed by a car driving through a puddle?

[Henry P]

Not that I can recall

Have you ever been shat on by a bird?

[Poetical]

yeah, but we broke up the very next day.



Have you ever forgetten or missed your partners birthday

[BattyOldMaid]

hahahahaha, yeah I have been shat on by a bird, it was the feathery kind to save confusion!

I'm a woman, I don't do any forgetting, we are not programmed to!


Have you ever dumped your rubbish on someone elses skip?

[Henry P]

Yes, I have.

Have you ever illegally tipped rubbish?

[Poetical]

No, because the earth is in a bad enough state without me adding to it.


Have you ever snapped at a school teacher becauce they treated you child with contempt?

[BattyOldMaid]

No teacher has treated my child with contempt, the school is brilliant, the staff there is excellent, can't fault their attitude, and teaching. I'm lucky, and my son is lucky. I assume you have and you child has been on the receiving end? If so, that sucks, hope the teacher got a right rollocking as no child should be treated with contempt, no child.

Have you ever snapped at a parent for being too over protective of their child?

[Henry P]

Never.

Have you ever hit your child in public?

[rantingpete]

I haven't got kids so can't comment. I used to get my arse smacked, never did me any harm but unfortunately there are some parents who don't know where to draw the line.

Have you ever seen the film McVicar?

[Henry P]

The one with Roger Daltrey? Yes. It was OK, cold British hardnut movie.

Have you ever been in a prison?

[rantingpete]

Only to visit an old mate.

Have you ever been to see England play (football)?

[Henry P]

I went to Leeds prison to see if I wanted to train as a trainee prison governor. I didn't.

I've never been to an England game.
Have you been to see a first-class cricket match?

[rantingpete]

I'm watching the cricket now. No, never been and as a kid I lived down the road from the Oval.

Have you ever met an idol?

[Henry P]

I've never watched live cricket either and have never met an idol.

Have you ever been to Yorkshire?

[BattyOldMaid]

Yep, love the countryside.

Have you ever fell out with your neighbours?

[Henry P]

Not personally, but my parents did before I married.

Have you ever avoided a neighbour?

[rantingpete]

I have been unfortunate to live next door to the neighbours from hell everywhere I live and have argued, fallen out and ignored them. Scumy, disrespectful, tossers!! Fortunately I have great neighbours now.

I've never been to Yorkshire Henry but sometimes wish I'd been brought up in the Dales, I'm a country boy at heart but was born in London.

Have you ever laughed so much you thought you were gonna die?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever laughed until you cried?

[BattyOldMaid]

haha yes, the perils of having children who are natural born comedian!


Have you ever made a jovial party miserable by saying something or doing anything?

[Henry P]

Never- I'm the life and soul of the party

Have you ever fallen out with a party guest?

[BattyOldMaid]

Not my scene, so I tend to hold my tongue, anyway on both cases the guest was a popular person with everyone fawning all over them as if they were gods gift, like hell I was going to come out of it without any injuries!

Have you ever farted in a crowded lift?

[Henry P]

No, but I went in a lift where someone went one better and had shat on the floor. I got out and walked.

Have you ever been stuck in a lift?

[rantingpete]

These are funny threads. I'm pissing laughing meself here.

Not for long but I've been in one that fell 2 floors then found its balance, it was well frightening.

Have you ever had piles?

[Henry P]

Not yet. Have you?

Have you ever had carpal tunnel syndrome?

[rantingpete]

Yes, had piles mate. Very unpleasant.

carpal tunnel syndrome? no. I had to google it. sounds like arthritis? Have you had it?

[Henry P]

I had two operations on my hands last year to relieve the pins and needles and numbness. They seem to have worked, although wiping my backside was a problem for a week or so when my right hand was done. I considered asking my wife, but thought against it, as I'd still be hearing about it on my deathbed.

Have you ever injured your eye?

[rantingpete]

This is the funniest thread on the internet. No never injured my eye. I've had black eyes. I don't need glasses yet either.

Have you ever had any weird traits?

[Henry P]

I have floaters swirling around in my left eye from when I slept with my daughter one night because she couldn't sleep and my wife was at work. She raised a foot in the air, then dropped it on my eye.
As for weird traits, where do I begin? Name a few quirks and I'll tell you.
Have you ever bust your own nose?

[rantingpete]

No. Never bust my own nose. I have many weird traits. I talk to myself sometimes (in the privacy of my own home, of course). I have proper arguments with myself. Crank!

Have you ever been bitten by a dog?

[Henry P]

I bust my own nose when I was a kid. I was sitting reading at the small kitchen table. My mum was ironing on the other end. She stood the iron on its end, but toppled towards my hand, which I moved away in reflex action, only to belt myself in the nose- nosebleed because of my fast reactions. I talk to myself too, and say things in English, then in Polish as well for good measure. I often count stairs, knowing there are usually 13 in a household flight. I don't like dogs, so never have got close enough.

Have you ever been a vegetarian?

[BattyOldMaid]

I am now one, my mother got fed up of thinking up meals as each one of us hated some kind of meat or the other, I never liked pork and would not eat it, I'm not keen on chicken. My younger brother hated lamb and mince, my mother didn't like sausages and chicken so it was awkward. One day she said we weren't to eat meat for a month, in hope that we would appreciate meat once the month was up. After 6 months none of us mentioned about wanting to eat meat.

14 years later my mother and I are still vegetarians and my younger brother eats meat very rarely.

Pst, my mother had carpal tunnel syndrome that was cured by accupuncture alone. All she needs to do is not to lift heavy things again.

Have you ever squeezed yourself in a jeans too tight as you had nothing else to wear?

[Henry P]

I used to have problems with clothes but I've lost 3 stones this year, and I like meat too much to become a veggie

Have you ever tried a vegan diet?

[BattyOldMaid]

yes, but love butter - real butter - too much to give it. Vegetarian is a lot less strict.

Have you ever tried faddy diets? ( a nudge to ask how you lost three stones as I'm listening)

[Henry P]

I 've never tried faddy diets- I make up my own, sort of Atkins, I suppose:
no carbs, minimal fat ("good" oils once in a while) no sweet things beyond fruit and yogurt, no snacking.

Have you ever forgotten to buy someone close to you a present for a special occasion?

[Poetical]

yep


Have you have had a dream and thought it reality?

[Henry P]

Yes. I have had two dreams of being in bed and asleep and waking up in the same bed I was asleep in. Very scary and disorienting.

Have you had a wet dream? (Ladies may answer)

[BattyOldMaid]

Regarding the dream part, yes I have had one, I really did thought it was happening. The unusual one was when i had just had my first baby after 24 hours labour with no sleep, then the next three days of no sleep as I was getting settled into a routine of breast feeding, I thought I was dreaming some parts where people were talking to me, dreamt that I had made myself toast, turns out it was real not a dream. Weird!

LOL, yes to the wet dream, it was the most glorious and wonderful dream ever.

Have you ever been bewildered about what someone had said?

[Henry P]

I wonder what my wife is talking about about every day.
Have you ever gone to an event and felt very overdressed?

[Poetical]

Yeah I went to a Naturists beach party in Gran Canria when I lived there but I soon conformed to the dress code.



Have you ever practiced black magic?

[rantingpete]

No. I've done the ouiji board but someone always fucks about and ruins it. Ha ha.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and done a fonzie impression?

[BattyOldMaid]

No, I assume you have!?

Have you ever called in a sickie from work just because you couldn't be bothered to go?

[Henry P]

Yes, but I always thought I was ill as well. I recovered after two hours at home every time
Have you ever fallen out with your other half's family?

[Poetical]

oh yeah, I hate most of them, bunch of interfering so and so's


Have you ever told someone you already give to charity just to keep them off your back, when in fact you don't and probably never will?

[Henry P]

I've not exactly fallen out with my wife's family, but I'm not grovelling to them, or going out of my way to see them again. They know where to find me. This is I suppose, part of my new independence and assertiveness.
I give the odd pound/fiver to charities, but that's it. I haven't lied to them
Have you ever smashed anything valuable?

[Poetical]

I am the same way with charities too, and kind of the same way with the wifes family only a little more open about it probably.


Funny you say that, because I just broke my printer, I didn't smash it I just left it on te past week and it burnt itself out I think, well it is not working and I will have to get a new one. over the years I have broken things that cost money but I probably meant it at the time.


Have you ever lied to a priest or church minister?

[rantingpete]

Yes, at confession as a teenager I didn't reveal I'd been banging the bishop. Bloody hell, just read that back, it sounds like I was shagging the pope! HaHa!

Have you ever walked out of a gig?

[Henry P]

Never- I choose carefully and get my money's worth with gritted teeth

Have you ever felt anything/anyone you shouldn't at a gig?

[Poetical]

I never felt anyone up at a gig, but I have banged the bishop more than once, ha ha


Have you ever had road rage?

[Henry P]

I've never had a punch-up with another driver, but I lose my temper and my patience quickly on most trips

Have you ever lost a large sum of money?

[BattyOldMaid]

nope, too shrewd. as for the in law thing, I'm not speaking to most of them, arrogant bullies, think nothing of manipulating the children into thinking they're the best grandparents when in reality they tell them to shut up and sit down while watching their precious golf. Seriously, does anyone expect a toddler to sit and watch golf all day long? Another story, might write a poem about them, but not worth my time, arrogant bunch of losers.

Have you ever said recalled a degrading rumour to someone and then half way realise the rumour was about them? FYI, never happened to me, but I've seen how it happened to others, truly funny and humilating!

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever entered a room where people were talking about you?

[rantingpete]

Probably, Fuck 'em if they haven't got the bottle to say it to my face.

Have you ever laughed inappropriately?

[Musical-Mind]

yes, but i don't remember what i laughed inappropriately about

have you ever dreamed to be a film director?

[Henry P]

Yes. I even made a list of films I wanted to make.

Have you ever failed to stop for a policeman?

[Poetical]

Only when I was being chased



Have you ever seen a ghost?

[Henry P]

I refused to stop for a copper in Poland in 1993. The bastard was coming out of a shop as I was passing through a village and he waved those lollipop things to stop me. He couldn't catch my Honda in his PolskiFiat.
Never seen a ghost
Have you ever looked for something while holding it in your hand?

[BattyOldMaid]

hahahaha, we got flagged down by so many bogus police in Bulgaria, we went into the British Embassy for help and they said never stop for bogus police, just go and telephone a police and they'll arrest the bogus ones.

anyway, got flagged down for doing 90kmp in a 96kph zone! Ignored him, stopped at the first service station and got the manger to call the police. Half and hour later, we both were amazed, the police and me. The very same police we failed to stop for, the very same people that gave him the evil eye for flagging us down for no reason.

We produced a map that clearly states we were driving on a 96kph zone at 90kph. He just told us it was our lucky day! We kissed the ground in Greece as we went over the border!

No, but my mother was famous for it, she was cutting up onions while my father was drying up, and then she just blew a fuse and accused my father of pinching her favourite knife. he didn't know anything about it and then they both lined me and my brothers up and dared us to speak up about stealing my mother's things.

Ranting ranting raving pointing the knife at us, accusing us....oh, the knife she used to point at us was the very one that was her favourite, the very one she was upset that anyone dared to pinch it.

Have you ever been scared to tell someone the cold hard truth in case they turned around and smack it back to your face?

[k2hsharpe]

i was sitting in a lounge room once when a flatmate wandered through the lounge room several times with her crying 4 month old baby under her arm. Her husband and i just sat silently watching her walk in through one door and out the other, back in the other and out the one. Several times. She was distressed and could hear her baby crying - was looking for her. Turned out she was sleep walking.

"Have you ever been scared to tell someone the cold hard truth in case they turned around and smack it back to your face?"
often, and always chosen cowardice as the appropriate method of dealing.

have you ever found a reasonable sum of money and been tempted to NOT hand it in?

[Henry P]

I've never found a large sum, but I left my wallet on a bench in Leeds, where someone found it and handed it to the police.

Have you ever been on a crap holiday?

[Poetical]

oh yeah, and more than once too. don't go to Butlins. ha ha


Have you ever wished apon a star?

[Henry P]

Never, but I've wish on wishbones.
Have you ever won any money?

[BattyOldMaid]

Yes, Grand National, I put money on a horse that was dead cert to come in last and won hundreds. I don't know why or what made me place a bet with this horse, I've never betted on a horse, nor understand the odds and evens or whatever else that comes with betting on a horse, but hey!



Have you ever discreetly discarded an unwanted present and faked to the giver that you still have it.

[Henry P]

I've received some crap presents in my time. Two undrinkable liqueurs spring to mind- A cheap Pina Colada made with cow's milk instead of coconut, and a Polish chocolate one which insisted on separating into brown gunge and brown water.
Have you ever fouled up someone else's computer?

[purple heart]

no ..i had mine though. Terrible experience - hey ya's .. I think foulers must know this is so terrible and aweful to get your computer hacked and hijacked and then emptied because of a worm . eww.


Have you cheated anybody who thought you were a near-and-a-dear one to him/ her?

[Henry P]

Never

Have you ever emerged from a hairdresser#s with a lousy haircut?

[Understanding Alice]

yes. too many times to mention :P have you ever worn odd socks?

[Henry P]

I must have done, for I wore odd shoes to work once.

Have you ever applied for social security benefit?

[iLLestFayeZ]

No...But i sure would love too...

Have you ever seen a pig fly???

[k2hsharpe]

no, never seen a bird fly
but have seen a bird swim
(and no, not a penguin
and no, never in real life - only on telly)

PS welcome to PF

[Henry P]

have you ever had a row with your partner in public?

[smorzando]

nopers.

have you ever been camping?

[BattyOldMaid]

Yes, a camper here! I love camping.

Have you ever seen a near miss on a motorway? (Nearly witnessed a massive crash yesterday after someone moved to the inside lane while someone was already there and had to swerve and brake. Bloody idiots!)

[Henry P]

NevHave you ever made jam? I had to process a bush worth of redcurrants this week. (They're too sharp and seedy to eat raw)

[BattyOldMaid]

hahaha, I make my own jam all the time, have two huge jars of strawberry ones, after I lumbered the children to do some strawberry picking. made rowan berry jelly, redcurrant jelly, blackberry jam. Oh and cranberries with one or two glugfuls of ruby port jam. Yummy.

have you ever bought a cake and passed it off as 'home made'?

[k2hsharpe]

no, i've never bought a cake bad enough to pass off as one of my own
(laughing)))))

have you ever anticipated something often enough and needily enough that years later you remember it as having happened even though it didn't

[sadpoems]

yes, i used to tell my self lies and convince myself and other people that things really happened. i think everyone is doing it !

Have you ever ate something at the supermarket and finished it before you went out without paying?

[Henry P]

No, but i often get a free bottle of water that way. Just make sure it's not one of their own brands

[smorzando]

Have you ever forgotten to ask the next question in one of these forum games before?

[Henry P]

Yes. I have answered questions without asking one.
have you ever had a domestic row over something really trivial?

[k2hsharpe]

do not most domestics fail the triviality test ...
'in 300 years will any of this be relevant?'

have you ever made the kids your battleground in those domestics?

[Musical-Mind]

ugh....i don't even know what that means...

have you ever wished things in your life were different?

[smorzando]

oh for sure.

have you ever had kids?

[Henry P]

I have one child, a daughter (to the best of my knowledge) I haven't given birth but was there when she was delivered by Caesarean. I held her first and she looks like me, so our bond is strong.

have you ever dumped anything where you shouldn't have?

[Musical-Mind]

maybe...i'm not too sure

have you ever had more than one regret?

[Henry P]

At my age I have more regrets than I care to remember. The answer is not thinking about them too much
Have you ever been hurt gardening?

[smorzando]

yes! im such a klutz i cant help it.

ever started to write something and realised the pen was in the wrong hand?

[Henry P]

Never, but I've worn clothes back to front
Have you ever damaged someone's car with your own and got away with it?

[smorzando]

thankfully, no, not yet. but my driving does leave a lot to be desired!!

have you ever been to a desert?

[k2hsharpe]

no, and if this doesn't change before my end of days finds me
it will be a sadness

have you ever seen almost perfectly square clouds?

[smorzando]

cant say i have.

have you?

[k2hsharpe]

once, a stepped series of square clouds lit by late afternoon sun and glowing intense yellows against greys - if you'd seen them in a painting or photo you would have assumed fake (i had to drag people outside to see them)

have you ever had heart ache so intense you could easily imagine people dying of a broken heart?

[Henry P]

luckily, no.
Have you ever fired a gun?

[k2hsharpe]

long ago, far away - badly

have you ever stubbed your big toe badly enough to peel back a sizable chunk of flesh?

[Henry P]

Not that badly

Have you ever won the lottery?

[k2hsharpe]

no, i don't buy tickets
(but if the universe was a truly caring place
it would find a way of giving me a win anyways,
do you not think?)

have you ever killed and peeled a beast?
and then eaten it?

[Henry P]

i once had all six numbers, but in two lines- 20 quid instead of a fortune
i have never killed an animal to eat it, but i ran over a chicken on purpose and helped slaughter rabbits
have you ever interviewed anyone for a job?

[Nature's heartbeat]

Sort of...I've been part of an interviewing group when a Fair Trade Association was going to hire a part-time paid staff member.

Have you ever experienced an earthquake?

[Henry P]

yes, the minor tremor one night in early 2008 in the north of england- the radiator banged and the bed shook
have you ever gone to bed very early andv slept till the next morning?

[Nature's heartbeat]

I think so...perhaps even longer when I've been sick with some flu thingie...

Have you ever taken up a perfect stranger on his/her offer to guide you around in a city unknown to you?

[k2hsharpe]

nope
have never trusted the bastards
(the failing mine, and perhaps also the loss)

have you ever offered to show a stranger around your city?

[Henry P]

never

Have you ever kept repeating a funny word to yourself all day?

[k2hsharpe]

nope
but i repeat myself a lot, an awful lot
which for some reason doesn't annoy me
anywhere near as much as it annoys
my victims

have you ever spent an inappropriate amount of time talking to yourself out loud?