Have you ever?

[Henry P]

unfortunately

[Poets Muse]

Have you ever... buried a pet?


The world would not be right without balance.
Where there is love there must also be hate.
Where there is life there must always be death.
Such a thin line seperates them yet they are so different.

[John Ashleigh]

When I was younger I buried my cat.

[Henry P]

so did I- a cat

[John Ashleigh]

Also my sisters hampster had a diseased eye, so we let it go in a field.

Have you ever had a crush?

[Henry P]

many times. Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

A few.

Have you ever made ReadyBrek?

[Henry P]

Yes
Have you ever had porridge with salt, the Scottish way?

[John Ashleigh]

No - and I never will. It sounds horrid.

You?

[Henry P]

yes. I prefer it that way
Have you ever seen oats growing?

[Poets Muse]

No

Have you ever... been on a really failed date?

[John Ashleigh]

Once or twice...

You?

[Henry P]

not really, no, although I drifted away from several girlfriends

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever been a victim of fraud?

[Henry P]

no. Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

No, luckily.

Have you ever known someone that was a victim of fraud?

[Poets Muse]

Yes....but it was Peter Griffin on family guy.

Have you ever.....been a victim of a hate crime?

[John Ashleigh]

Nope.

You?

[Poets Muse]

Nope

Have you ever had a peanut butter and jam sandwhich?

[John Ashleigh]

No. I don't like the sound of it either....Haha.

You?

[Poets Muse]

Yeah and their like SuperYum BatYum and SpiderYum all in one!

Have you ever had dr pepper?

[John Ashleigh]

I have - and I quite like it.

Have you ever had Cherry coke?

[Poets Muse]

Yes, i love it

Vanilla coke?

[John Ashleigh]

I have tried some, and I am not fond of it.

Have you ever listened to a singer named Conor Oberst?

[Henry P]

probably. was he in Bright Eyes?

[John Ashleigh]

Yeah. I love his songs, he is so emotional and I can relate. 'Milk Thistle' is one of my favourites. Do you like Bright Eyes?

[Henry P]

I can't name one of their songs

[John Ashleigh]

They're not actually that well known.

Have you ever met someone famous?

[Henry P]

not really- only Ian Macmillan the Barnsley poet/comedian and Willis Hall, a dramatist
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

No, but I'd love to meet Bob Dylan....

[Henry P]

He's famously elusive He twigged early that being cryptic and hard to get hold of would add to his mystique, and add the aura of his music

[John Ashleigh]

I know, you never see him on TV at all.

[Henry P]

you see what I mean

[John Ashleigh]

I'd like to see him being interviewed on the One Show...

[Henry P]

I doubt it somehow

[John Ashleigh]

I doubt it to...

Have you ever had financial problems?

[Poets Muse]

No..

Have you?

[Henry P]

not yet

[John Ashleigh]

What do you mean 'not yet' Mr Henry?

[Poets Muse]

he means not yet

[Henry P]

It means I'm not so old yet, so I can supplement my pension and don't have to wear down my savings

[Barley]

Have you ever had a recurring dream?

[Shanalorm]

Yes and they were quite fun

Have you ever had a predictive dream?

[Henry P]

not yet, just incoherent and disturbing semi-conscious rambling

[Shanalorm]

I sometimes do, some are really weird

[Henry P]

explain your predictive dream which came true

[Shanalorm]

They are more generally about some choice or
happening that would come. Like I dreamed I was
skating uphill with someone, but when we got at the
top he fell over, crashed down into a boat and the
boat started to drift from the banks. It was too
far away for him to jump back and the only way to
reach te boat was over the rope. So with skates still on
I had to walk over the rope, without anything to hold.

Normally I never wear skates, but do like boats- that's
beside the point though.

Anyway. A week or so later he and his girl got trouble
and he didn't know what to do anymore. It took me great
effort to get him to tell what troubled him and eventually
he asked my advice.

There were other dreams though.

In the end it all depends on how you interpretate one.

[Henry P]

Many dreams are visual analogies for something embedded deep in your mind

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever burnt yourself badly?

[Henry P]

not very badly, but I once was splashed by boiling jam
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

I burnt my thumb on a soldering iron once. It really hurt.

[Henry P]

I was burned in school once, foolishly touch a heated test tube

[John Ashleigh]

Ouch.

Have you ever been surfing?

[Poets Muse]

No

I have been burned. I was 3 and I wanted to see if the shicken was done so I opened up the oven and put my hands on it, bubbling fat and all. Oh and i burnt my hand on hot hot hot cheese. These both hurt real bad.

Have you ever ran away?

[John Ashleigh]

When I was younger....

You?

[Henry P]

never
Have you ever had your car scratched deliberately?

[John Ashleigh]

No, but I do not own a car....

You?

[Henry P]

yes- outside a friend's house. Some b*st*rd scratched both doors down the passenger side

[John Ashleigh]

Why does anyone feel the need to do that?

[Poets Muse]

They don't realise the consequence of their actions and they don't particularly care. They normally do it with keys.

I didn't run away but I did leave the house because I wanted to go to the shops with dad but I wasn't allowed. We live near a crossroads and I turned the wrong way. In the end I was found by someone with a german shepeard and I was allowed to watch Tm and Jerry. I liked it so much I didn't want to go back to basic cable. I was 4.

[Henry P]

Whoever did my car used something sharper than keys, like a knife. The mindless c*nt

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever bought a pirate DVD?

[Henry P]

no, but I bought some bootleg tapes abroad

[John Ashleigh]

What artist? I have some Bob Dylan bootleg CD's......

[Henry P]

everybody from Supergrass to Nirvana because they were cheap in the days before online music

[John Ashleigh]

I still own a few tapes....

[Henry P]

I have hundreds, and play them in my cars

[John Ashleigh]

What about vinyls? Do you have any of them?

[Henry P]

I have lots of vinyls, mainly scratched, but my turntable on the stereo is busted

[John Ashleigh]

Well have you asked Father Christmas for another turntable?

[Henry P]

He said no because I subscribe to Spotify

[John Ashleigh]

Haha.

Have you ever watched The Simpsons?

[Henry P]

of course- a brilliant sitcom; how old is that baby now?

[John Ashleigh]

Yeah haha, I am not sure....

Have you ever been on medication of some kind?

[Henry P]

many times
you?

[John Ashleigh]

Yes.

Have you ever been arrested?

[Henry P]

not yet. I'll wait till no one wants to employ me in any way

[John Ashleigh]

I used to get arrested alot just so I had a bed to sleep in.

[Henry P]

so you have a record?

[John Ashleigh]

Probably not anymore. A criminal record is deleted after 5 years......or so I have been told.

[Henry P]

I think so. Unless you do more than 5 years

[John Ashleigh]

Well it was only petty crime, so I am sure I have no record. :)

[Henry P]

I was fined for driving alone before I passed my test. Our neighbour happened to be a policeman, but he's dead now

[Barley]

I was fined for driving alone before I passed my test. Our neighbour happened to be a policeman, but he's dead now

That sounds so sinister!

[John Ashleigh]

I was fined for driving alone before I passed my test. Our neighbour happened to be a policeman, but he's dead now

Was it a heavy fine?

[Henry P]

about £50 in 1980 , so yes. I didn't earn much more a week as a novice teacher
Ah, the sinister power of well-chosen words!

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever donated blood?

[Poets Muse]

no but when I can I will

[John Ashleigh]

I have donated blood many times - it is the least I can do.

Have you ever had rum in your coffee?

[Poets Muse]

Yes, at christmas this one time. i've sworn off it.

hye eaten a meal somone made just because they msade it not coz u like it?

[John Ashleigh]

Sometimes - it is called being polite.

You?

[Henry P]

many times

[Poets Muse]

same here, my mum makes a christmas cake every year and it is so alcoholic the dog got a tiny bit and was drunk.

[John Ashleigh]

Christmas cake should have too much alcahol for me.

[Henry P]

boozy cake is rich and fragrant

[Poets Muse]

but totally bad when your pet gets a hold of it.

[Henry P]

lock it away

[John Ashleigh]

Or eat it quick.

[Poets Muse]

can't i'll get locked out

[Henry P]

Have you ever killed animals for food?

[John Ashleigh]

No I haven't.

You?

[Poets Muse]

no but i really would like to- i'm a very practical girl- i would be happy with skinning and gutting an animal then roasting it over an open fire.

you?

[Henry P]

I helped with the massacre and skinning of rabbits once. But they tasted good

[John Ashleigh]

I could also do that- but I don't think I'd be put in that type of situation.

[Poets Muse]

could always put yourself in that situation.

[John Ashleigh]

I am happy with a meal on a plate at home.

[Henry P]

aren't we all?

[Poets Muse]

Boooriiing! lol

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever had your heart broken?

[Poets Muse]

not in the literal sense, no.

[John Ashleigh]

That is good to hear.

[Poets Muse]

u aren't hearing it, you're reading it :)

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever made up a funny joke?

[Poets Muse]

all the time - they just sound better to me than the audience

[John Ashleigh]

I know the feeling.

[Poets Muse]

it's quite embarassing when you're laughng really hard and their looking at you like....was that the joke? i dn't get it...

[Henry P]

Being funny isn't easy. The pace and timing of your joke are factors, but the most important one is expectation- if someone expects you to be funny or has paid to be amused, they'll laugh at nearly anything. Comics like Jo Brand who isn't funny make a living that way, from middle-class audiences too polite to not laugh and get "value" for the price of their tickets

[John Ashleigh]

I am naturally funny.

Ha.

[Poets Muse]

Same some people are just too dumb to get it. *sob*

[Henry P]

Some people are just dumb

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever seen Tracy Chapman live?

[Henry P]

no
Have you seen a Beatle live?

[John Ashleigh]

Nope.

Have you ever uploaded anything on Youtube?

[Henry P]

No. I bet you have?

[John Ashleigh]

No I haven't. Some have said I should upload me playing the guitar, but I don't think I am good enough to stand out with the competition on Youtube.

[Henry P]

There's some rubbish on there too

[John Ashleigh]

I don't know why they upload themselves.

Have you ever climbed a tree to the top?

[Henry P]

never> I was a wimp when it came to daredevil show-off stuff
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

I used to love climbing trees, but I don't think I could do it now....

I miss childhood sometimes.

[Henry P]

I miss mine too, but wisdom is a compensation

[John Ashleigh]

True - but some innocence would be nice.

Have you ever slept rough?

[Henry P]

never. Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

Yes, alot.

[Henry P]

Sounds grim

[John Ashleigh]

It was grim but you get used to it.

Have you ever found alot of money on the street?

[Henry P]

only a pound note

[John Ashleigh]

I have found a £20 note before.

[Henry P]

keep looking

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever buried a pet?

[Henry P]

Not personally, but my dad buried my cat when it died

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever helped build a house?

[Henry P]

No
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

No, but I built a shed once.

[Henry P]

Does a greenhouse count?

[John Ashleigh]

I suppose.

I'd love to get a greenhouse next year...I'll have to inform you about what I plant so you can give me some advice on growing vegetables.

[Henry P]

We only grew tomatoes and gherkins.

[John Ashleigh]

I'd like to grow tomatoes, peppers and cucumber.

[Henry P]

It's easy. Use growbags or dig in manure. Natural fertilisers make veg taste good

[John Ashleigh]

I know that you can get tomato feed. Is it worth buying some of that?

[Henry P]

manure is better. Go to a stable . They can't get rid fast enough

[John Ashleigh]

I'll keep that in mind. Thankyou.

[Henry P]

It's free, but go for stuff without much straw

[John Ashleigh]

Ok then. :)

Have you ever seen someone die? (I know, a horrible question)

[Henry P]

only on film
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

Only on film.

Have you ever suffered from insomnia?

[Henry P]

not really
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

Yes when I was a teenager...I can still get bouts of it.

[Henry P]

Don't drink caffeine in the evenings, or too much alcohol either. Eat more lettuce and drink milk in the evenings

[Shanalorm]

I tried a lot too but nothing helps as much as a plant next to your bed, preferably a vern or something. They clean the air in a good way and produce much oxygen. It helps sleeping...

[John Ashleigh]

Thankyou for the advice, I appreciate it.

[Barley]

Have you ever nearly died?

[John Ashleigh]

Yes, once.

You?

[Henry P]

never
Have you?

[Catt]

Never nearly died

Have you ever bcome aware that you are dreaming?

[John Ashleigh]

Yes and it was very strange. If you realise you are dreaming you have more control over the dream. Does anyone agree?

[Henry P]

Yes. I've sometimes woken myself up to get out of unpleasant dreams. I'm sure many of us do

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever passed out?

[Henry P]

I fainted in church when I was a boy

[John Ashleigh]

How come?

[Henry P]

I don't know. I remember feeling faint, then the next thing I knew I was in the priest's house at the back of the church

[John Ashleigh]

I fainted when I started a new medication.

[Henry P]

Must have been strong stuff

[John Ashleigh]

It was.

Have you ever watched 'Frozen Planet' on BBC1?

[Henry P]

Every week- beautiful. British TV at its best

[John Ashleigh]

I agree. The scenery is magical.

Have you ever been sick in a public place?

[Henry P]

no. Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

I've been sick in a pub before....

[Henry P]

I've pooped in a public place

[John Ashleigh]

In a public toilet I would hope...Haha.

[Henry P]

No, beside the M1 near Luton. When you have to go...

[John Ashleigh]

Haha.

Have you ever owned a teddy bear?

[Henry P]

yes, when I was a child

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever watched "Misfits" on channel 4.

[Henry P]

No. Is it good?

[John Ashleigh]

It is brilliant, Henry. There are only two seasons at the moment, but I highly recommend watching it. It is quite funny.

[Henry P]

I'll give it a go

[John Ashleigh]

Let me know what you think of it.

[Henry P]

will do

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever had a facial?

[Henry P]

no. Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

I have had three facials in the last week. My sister is doing a beauty course, so I let her experiment on me.

[Poets Muse]

Sucker. The only way I would let someone experiment on me with cosmetics is if they held a gun to my head. And even then I would protest

[John Ashleigh]

Anything that makes my skin soft and helps education is a good thing. :)

[Poets Muse]

Then donate your body to cosmetic science!

[John Ashleigh]

I think I might.

[Henry P]

but only if you live to a very old age

[John Ashleigh]

Would you do it, Henry?

[Henry P]

Have a facial? Yes
Leave my face to cosmetic surgeons? No

[John Ashleigh]

It is a bonus having a sister who does all these beauty therapy things...

[Henry P]

I'd just have liked to have a sister...

[John Ashleigh]

Were you an only child?

[Henry P]

Yes. My mum had miscarriages, so that was that

[John Ashleigh]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Henry P]

Thanks

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever known someone to have a stroke?

[Henry P]

Yes- the friend of a friend, but it may be dementia as well

[John Ashleigh]

Oh that is harsh. Is your friend OK?

[Henry P]

He's not exactly a friend, but he's in day care and returns home for the night

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever been to America?

[Henry P]

Not yet
Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

No, but I would love to go travelling in America one day. One can dream.

[Henry P]

Yes

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever been to Greece?

[Henry P]

no. Have you?

[John Ashleigh]

Nope.

Have you ever been to Turkey?

[Henry P]

no, but I'd go to Istanbul. Their food is good, like Greek but better

[John Ashleigh]

Turkey is a lovely place.

[Henry P]

Where did you go?

[John Ashleigh]

Oludenise. I'm not sure how to spell it. It is near the Turquoise coast.

[Henry P]

turquoise means Turkish in French

[John Ashleigh]

I didn't know that...

You should go to Turkey. I highly recommend it.

[Henry P]

It's on my list

[John Ashleigh]

What else is on your list?

[Henry P]

The US, China, South America, Mexico...

[John Ashleigh]

What about Japan?

[Henry P]

perhaps, but it lost its mystique after my daughter went there

[John Ashleigh]

I'd do anything to go to Japan.

Have you ever followed a religion?

[Henry P]

yes. I was brought up a Catholic and still go to church most Sundays. I believe in Jesus, but not the Church itself.

[John Ashleigh]

I appreciate people have different beliefs and such, but it just isn't for me.

[Henry P]

People need to think for themselves and not swallow whole belief systems hook, line and sinker. Many practices associated with religion are just nonsense

[John Ashleigh]

I think I believe there was a man named Jesus and that he was very influential, but the 'God' part throws me.

[Henry P]

I believe in God, but not the ways that he has been interpreted by different cultures and institutions in search of power over others

[John Ashleigh]

I suppose the idea of God could be anything.

[Henry P]

He's a creator to me, who got everything going

[John Ashleigh]

I can respect that. I think many would agree with you.

[Henry P]

we have to find our truths and not accept other people's opinions

[John Ashleigh]

Have you ever blind baked?

[Henry P]

What does that mean?

[John Ashleigh]

Cooking pastry before cooking the filling.

[Henry P]

i thought so. No. I bet you have

[John Ashleigh]

Only the once.

[Henry P]

I've never baked anything

[John Ashleigh]

It is never too late to start.

[Henry P]

True

[John Ashleigh]

Last Christmas we made a Turkey pie with the left over turkey and gravy. I promise you it is the best meat pie you'll ever taste.

[Henry P]

A good idea
Have you ever been to a funeral?

[John Ashleigh]

Three.

You?

[Henry P]

Yes. Nine, I think, but then I'm very old

[John Ashleigh]

You're still in your prime, sir.

Have you ever been to a wedding?

[Henry P]

yes- my own and two others
Have you ever been a best man?