Throw your best insult/chat up line/comeback/joke at me!

[YoungLady]

It has to be good;) Ready? GO!

I'll start with my fave yo momma joke right now:

Yo mommas so fat, she jumped into the ocean and the whales started singing 'We Are Family'

[stu peskett]

my mother in law is so fat that she went for a swim,got out and laid on the beach,and greenpeace came along and pushed her back in the sea...

[YoungLady]

Hahahhahahahahahaha! Nice one!:D

[colmint]

You had better kiss me now
You're gonna miss me when I'm Gone

( stolen from Brookes & Dunn ) HeHe

colmint

[YoungLady]

Oooh!:) have you ever used it before?

[colmint]

Yep
1 slap and 1 night of lust

colmint

[YoungLady]

Hahahhahahahahahaha! So, it worked then?;)

[colmint]

Nice lips
Do you swallow ?

[colmint]

OK but promise me we can keep the lights off !

or

do you have your own rubbers and brown paper bag ?

or God you must be gagging for it !


colmint ( MBA in insults )

[Poets Muse]

When someone says 'That was uncalled for'

You say ' Your FACE is uncalled for!'

When you own some one always say 'Boom!' whilst doing a downpointed 'rock-on' hand gesture. It's just funny.

Best insult?

Just look them in the eye and say...'You're boring me'

[GBG]

worst chat up line I have been given:

Nice legs, what time do they open?

Ps. it did NOT work haha

[colmint]

Are you on day release or did you jump the wall when the orderies were having tea

just made that one up

colmint

[rantingpete]

My mate used to approach a woman and say:

"This face leaves in 5 minutes, be on it!"

He's single.

[rantingpete]

I bought a christmas tree today.
The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"

[XxFake_Rebel77]

Show the girl your jumper, t-shirt or whatever and say:
"Is this boyfriend Material?"

[bastet]

On the subject of worst chat up line..
The classic..

"get your coat..you've pulled"
..really said to me..groan!!!

[XxFake_Rebel77]

Theres worse, and i've done it...intoxicated mind you...
"Hey darling is there a mirror in your pants cause i can see myself in them"
lets just say that reply...hurt!

[bastet]

:rofl:
..not surprised!! ;)
that is one baaaad line!!!

[YoungLady]

Hahahahaaha I agree with tsu! No girl will go for that line!:)

I know this ones cheesy but I just LOVE saying it randomly:

"You must be Jamaican cos ja-maican me crazy" ;D

[Old8oy]

"insult"
yo momma's skin is so oily, George W. Bush invaded it!

"pick-up line"
I was blinded by your beauty...so...I'm going to need your name and number so I can file an insurance claim.

[Shanalorm]

Opening-sentence:

1] Could you please hold my glass? I gotta pee.
2] Would you want me to treat you like my homework?
Huh?
I'd slam you into my desk and do you all night long...

-I never seriously used any of these, nor ever will, mind you.

[Shanalorm]

Your momma's so fat
when she walks around in tokio
everyone screams: "Godzillaaaaaaa"

[k2hsharpe]

i'm sort of surprised Mae West hasn't made a guest appearance here - with many of her lines i was never sure if come on or put down ...

“I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going while you've still got them.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

"I take it out in the open and laugh at it."
-ouch-
: -(

[YoungLady]

Theres a debate in the middle east whether or not the flintstones should be on tv. The people of Dubai don't understand the humour, but the people in abi dabi doo!

This was on an app I have on my iPod, and it made me lol;D

[FoxMulder]

I've been to every shop, been on every website, just looking for a replica; just something like you.


Ha.


Ashley.

[YoungLady]

Aw, that ones actually cute:)

[Shanalorm]

I think the sweetest pickuplines are short poems
-in combination with puppy-eyes if you are female-

[rantingpete]

Best chat up line:

"I may not be Fred Flintstone but I bet I can make your bed rock"

[jpietracatella]

It would seem that looking at the bright side for too long causes blindness.

[YoungLady]

Do you see my friend over there? She wants to know if you think I'm pretty.

[Grasshopper]

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

[colmint]

I love the blonde hair and big knockers - Are you from Essex ?

colmint

[YoungLady]

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Cos he was a fungi;D

Ahahhhhahahaa, that one still cracks me up every single time;)

[saeity]

Dear Mr Colmint,
you deserve to be hung , drawn and quatered for that comment, can i watch, ha ha
saeity.

[YoungLady]

Lol, saeity;D

[Ernie]

A friend of mine from the football team I played for REALLY did this,

he walked up to a girl in a bar and said
"I bet you 20 pence I can make your boobs move without touching them"
she took the bet,
he then simply began to grope her boobs before saying "dam, I lost again".

Another time the same guy asked a girl if she would like to play a game of windows, when she asked "how do you play windows",
he replied "you be a window and I'll hang out of you"...

[YoungLady]

Lol, your friend is smooth;) I can't believe that actually worked for him. Looool

[Heamus Seaney]

This line is a bit of an old one but then so are a few others in this thread!

hey, how much does a polar bear way?

- errr I don't know?

Enough to break the ice! Hi I'm ....

Spent an entire evening using that line when on holiday in Sydney, although a bit cringe worthy it worked ok! Although my game got exponentially worse the more drunk I got so no real luck in the end :p

[saeity]

I seem to attract morons, actually said to me
Do you have greek in you? would you like some?
This face is leaving in five minutes, be on it! I think i scarred that one ha ha.

[Old8oy]

Well, here's the line that worked for me...

"Aww...you don't smoke...do you?"

Story:
I was working at a small pizza shop at the time and a friend of our delivery driver came in to visit him. She sat down. We stole glances at one another (the delivery driver is gay so no, I wasn't trying to flirt with someone else's girlfriend). I glanced over again and saw her take out a pack of cigarettes and pull one out. Without any intention of actually saying the words I was thinking, the above line escaped my lips... She looked at me, scoffed, and started talking with her friend... Four years later we were married :P

She will never let me forget what my first words to her were...

[saeity]

Awhh, that is just soooo nice.

[YoungLady]

It is cute! Aww<3

Did you just fart; cos you TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY!

[saeity]

Ha Ha, i can't believe that worked!

[YoungLady]

I've never used it on anyone;) but it just makes me laugh saying it to my friends!

[WYSIWYG]

Wanna go halves on a baby

[YoungLady]

Lol, that's a good one:)

[WYSIWYG]

Have you been sitting in a puddle or are you just pleased to see me :-)

[YoungLady]

Hmmm have a feeling that one won't go down well;)

[WriterMonkey]

I have a suitably cringe-worthy contribution to this topic.

My magic watch says you're not wearing underwear.
Oh, you are?
It must be fifteen minutes fast.

And,

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilised?

I have used neither of those, I hasten to add.

[Stiggie]

Your mothers so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side..


Your mothers so fat, whilst climbing over the glass wall it shattered..

[BattyOldMaid]

Me "tonight? I am busy actually"
He "don't what?"
Me "don't know but I'll think of something"

A man asked me out on date, he didn't like Indian, Chinese, Mexican, TGI, seafood or Italian, don't know why he asked me out for a meal if he doesn't eat anything!!

[Thalassinus]

My magic watch says you're not wearing underwear.
Oh, you are?
It must be fifteen minutes fast.




lol... brilliant.

its like...if you say the first line to a women, you know they are going to go "i am actually" but then you have a reply which makes the joke.
awesome.

[YoungLady]

Batty, that must have been awful!:O

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice;D