Private Life

[Captain Cosine]

I've been wondering a lot lately about why humans always feel the need to have a private life, and why we constantly hide things from the public, like our sex lives, childhood, bad experiences, etc. And I really can't find any good reason to hide ourselves... to me, it's just another way of hiding who we are so people don't judge us, and that is silly. We shouldn't care what people think about us so much. If they judge us and don't want to associate themselves with us because of something we've done, something that makes us who we are, then why would we want to be associated with that person anyway? People always complain about other people "betraying" them by telling others their secrets... but who cares? So what if someone knows something about you? Why does it matter? I understand we have a natural need to be accepted by others, but their are plenty of people who will accept us, and the ones who are close-minded shouldn't be people we worry about being accepted by.

And I'm not saying we should go around spewing our lives to every person on the earth, I'm simply saying that we should be more open about ourselves and feelings and stop being afraid to let others get to know us. If someone asks something "personal" about you, tell them. They obviously want to know, and what harm comes from telling them? I can understand however, that when we are first hurt by something, we don't want to tell certain people because that's when we're very vulnerable and it would be easy for a insensitive person (or someone we don't know well) to make it worse, and that what would be best for us is to confide in someone we know well and who we know can help us and comfort us.

This post is really just a ramble of my thoughts and is directed at no one but myself. I'm trying to become much more open about who I am and the thoughts that go on in my head, and I just feel that sharing this will help me along.

Thanks to anyone who takes time to read this :)

Also, as usual, not sure if this is the right section lol.

[Nature's heartbeat]

Personally I think it's not so much a matter of hiding as it is one of trust. There are various reasons why some people can't/don't just trust anyone. They may have had bad experiences in the past with people who were close to them, like if they've felt that when they have been open about sensitive things, people haven't actually been there for them, have gone silent, or left, then that naturally makes it hard to believe differently, and maybe to trust people in general, unless seeing some proof that this isn't true when it comes to all people...Dunno, just the random thoughts that entered my head...

[Captain Cosine]

I can understand being hurt and not feeling you can trust anymore, but people who feel like that, imo, need to try to get over it. There are people we can trust out there, you've just gotta no where to look, and if you close yourself off, you'll never find them.

[Nature's heartbeat]

but people who feel like that, imo, need to try to get over it.

That's true...but people who feel like that may need some time to process before thinking like that and feeling like acting accordingly...just like people who have experienced losses of some sort, from what I've seen at least, don't just say: Ok, I need to get over this so I'll just move on...and then move on...

[Captain Cosine]

Yeah I understand, we always need a period of time to heal before we move on with life, but that period of time is often extended unnecessarily, in my opinion.

[Nature's heartbeat]

but that period of time is often extended unnecessarily, in my opinion.

Yeah, that's true too, according to my experience at least...The good thing is that with time/learning experiences you can shorten the period of time before moving on.

[danecobain]

I don't like other people getting too close to me because I don't like other people, I feel that the less that I give away about myself, the better. My writing is pretty much the only way I share personal information with the world, but nobody really reads it anyway

[Nature's heartbeat]

I don't like other people getting too close to me because I don't like other people, I feel that the less that I give away about myself, the better. My writing is pretty much the only way I share personal information with the world, but nobody really reads it anyway

Interesting perspective. Guess you have your reasons for feeling that way.

Personally I know that aside from preferring to trust people who seem trustworthy and who can make me smile, I may stay away from sharing personal stuff with overly critical people simply because I can be quite self-critical/hard on myself and insecure as it is already and if I'm in a sensitive state of mind but willing to open up, I want to be met with understanding and warmth, not with things that make me feel worse...and if I share things with people who just treat me with silence, I will probably see that as the opposite of care...and that can also make things feel so much worse, and so, I might keep stuff that bother me inside and it may tear away at me, but it can still feel preferrable to feeling hurt by silent treatment on top of everything...

Also, a thing I've noticed about myself is that I think people should care and be there out of their own free will and accord - if that's something they want to do...For some reason I think that I shouldn't have to say to them: hey, I could use a hug or a friend right now...or, can you set aside some time for me etc.? but that they should offer themselves...otherwise it's just not natural...Don't know...maybe I perceive things somewhat wrongly/unfairly...but I can certainly relate to the feeling of just wanting to stay away from people...

[Captain Cosine]

Well it's nice when people offer to be there themselves, but unless you tell them you need time with them to talk and really need comforting, how are they going to know? If they don't know how badly you need a hug or whatever then you can't fault them for not giving you one, we aren't mind readers (yet! :P).

And you should try to get rid of your insecurities, because the only reason we have them is fear, usually of being judged, and everyone is afraid of that, I believe that's a natural fear. Anyone who chooses to judge you when you open up is someone who is afraid of being judged themselves and hides away their own secrets. They turn the spotlight on you to protect themselves. I have some insecurities of course, but I do my best never to let them stop me from doing anything or telling someone something, because if they don't like who I am, fine, I have several people who do and I can go through my life fine with just them. We all have insecurities, and we should all just bring them out and stop worrying you know? We need to not be afraid to be us. You must be the change you want to see in the world. If you want people to be more accepting, then we all need to open up, and the best start is to open up yourself.

[Nature's heartbeat]

Thanks for the input...:) I agree on the need to work on my insecurities and get over my fears...that thought is constantly there in the back of my head I can assure you...

Well it's nice when people offer to be there themselves, but unless you tell them you need time with them to talk and really need comforting, how are they going to know? If they don't know how badly you need a hug or whatever then you can't fault them for not giving you one, we aren't mind readers (yet! :P).




I have told people, and have been disappointed or well that's too weak a word...deeply hurt is more like it...by their lack of care (as I see it) over and over...especially with those that I have been there for, and I have also confronted some people about their lack of care after being quite hesitant to do so...and the result in the long run - nothing different...so, basically, if people don't have time/make time on a regular basis for being part of my life, like me being part of their lives/appreciate my friendship with them and don't act as friends on their own, then you can't force anything and I certainly won't go out of my way to trust them or be a friend to them anymore...no, I believe in mutuality in friendships, that I deserve to be treated better and that care has to come or be there naturally. So I let those people be and feel that I'm probably better off without them...Maybe there are some other people out there who want to be around (I've seen a few examples on here btw that seems to suggest it), and if so, they will be known by their actions, and I'll probably come around and trust them, little by little...have started a little bit already.

I was a person who practically all my life have wanted real friends. I've tried being what I mean by a real friend to others...but with time and it having much too often felt one-sided, I don't know...maybe I don't believe in the existence of real friends very much anymore and don't try to be that kind of friend anymore and so I don't give so much of myself to others anymore...I know that I've become much more of a loner than I used to be and that I've come to like being by myself more than before too...

[Henry P]

my poetry is unashamedly very personal. It is about my life and my feelings, my thoughts and experiences, people and places I know. I cannot conceive of any other type of poetry and despise poets who hide behind a mist of words, no matter how skilfully arranged, for fear of revealing anything about themselves, as if enemies were waiting to pounce on their weaknesses and vulnerability.To me, poetry must communicate a feeling, not conceal it. I used to attend a poets' meeting once a week but stop going because it became increasing apparent that the house style was oblique and self-consciously subtle, so sly that any feelong or indeed meaning disappeared up the poets' own arses

[Captain Cosine]

Well........that really sucks, I don't know what else to say. I have real friends, and it took a lot of failed friendships and a few years without any friend in general (just "buddies"). I know the people I call my best friends are true friends. Of course they aren't always 100% perfect, but who is? One friend I often feel like they don't care anymore, but everytime I truly and honestly need someone, he's always there for me.

I'm incredibly introverted, and I literally observe everyone around me and dissect their personality, and I can read people very well, so it's usually easy for me to find who I can and can't trust before I even have a full conversation with them. Good people are out there, you just gotta keep looking.

:hug:

[Nature's heartbeat]

my poetry is unashamedly very personal. It is about my life and my feelings, my thoughts and experiences, people and places I know.

That's what gives your poems such depth (besides your knowledge that adds brilliance to them), and I like reading poetry with meaning and reality behind even though they may be harder to comment on. I'm definitely not going to compare my writings to yours but I too write of what I feel/have felt, see/have seen, think/have thought so there's quite a lot of me in some form in whatever I write, even if some things may seem quite imaginative...and I write for myself regularly, just to make sense of things or myself...it's like a need to express and digest as natural as breathing, eating or sleeping.

@CC: Thanks a lot. You taking the time to listen and care about the random stranger brought a definite smile to my face all the way through cyberspace...:) I'm glad to hear that you've found real friends. :hug: back!

[Captain Cosine]

my poetry is unashamedly very personal. It is about my life and my feelings, my thoughts and experiences, people and places I know. I cannot conceive of any other type of poetry and despise poets who hide behind a mist of words, no matter how skilfully arranged, for fear of revealing anything about themselves, as if enemies were waiting to pounce on their weaknesses and vulnerability.To me, poetry must communicate a feeling, not conceal it. I used to attend a poets' meeting once a week but stop going because it became increasing apparent that the house style was oblique and self-consciously subtle, so sly that any feelong or indeed meaning disappeared up the poets' own arses

Well, most of my poems I try not to reveal too much, because then it kinda of loses purpose. What I mean is, when I try to hide the meaning behind words, it's still an emotional experience for me and helps vent, but I don't want to be too specific because I want other people to take whatever they want out of my poems. I don't want them to feel like it's about solely one topic relating to a personal experience they might not understand, I like to write so I vent a bit and let other people find their own meaning in it.

And no problem NH :) I enjoy helping others, no matter who they are, even if I don't particularly like them lol

[Nature's heartbeat]

And no problem NH :) I enjoy helping others, no matter who they are, even if I don't particularly like them lol

hahahaha looool - thanks =P! Though I know what you mean. I too tend to be of service if I can to people in general. I don't really reflect on it. It's like an impulse. The only thing is that I can't act against the feeling of having felt used/that I deserve to be treated better with some people but need to do what feels best for me first then...

P.S I can write things that are open for interpretation too...in fact, even with the ones that feel more obviously personal, people may think things I didn't think of, but it makes it more interesting...:)

[Captain Cosine]

Oh and I wasn't saying I don't like you hahaha. Just in case you thought that ;).

[Nature's heartbeat]

I didn't seriously think that but I thought that what you said could actually be interpreted that way and that made me smile...=P So thanks for that! :)

[tsu-bastet]

i have met here people who i am pleased and proud to call friend-sometimes the distance between us allows me to say things of a personal nature i wouldnt ever dream of doing in real life..and even then sometimes i am riddled with feelings that are all negative in origin..
its a weird contradiction that in so many ways writing -or any creativity exposes those parts of yourself others would never imagine or you think of sharing -even sometimes with those closest to us! and when we do we may then feel vulnerable,misunderstood or that we have compromised ourselves..
in real life i am no more forthcoming..something that i know my close friends are aware of and tolerate!! lol!

its difficult enough sometimes espressing verbally how we feel so i think it fair to mention the serious confusion and conflictions that may arise from how you could write something to someone via text/pm etc and how it could be recieved and read by them with a completely different inflection to the originally intended one..oohh..thats a tricky one!!

lol! something i just realised was well illustrated above!! ;)