New to Forum and Poetry... In a sense

[Nemor]

Hi all, glad I could find somewhere with people that have the same urge as I have.

My names William Russell, I'm 22 and live in Manchester UK.

Up until well, the last month or so, I was actually writing Rap Lyrics which aren't all that different to poetry.

But lately, I've increasingly felt the urge to write poetry... I guess it's to do with my love life not quite working out how I want hehe.

Anyways, I'm probably nowhere near the skill level of everyone else here, having only written about 3 poems, none of which I would deem "good" poetry, but it's from the heart.

I'll post one I have only JUST finished and will be working on, I'm planning on sending it to someone special, so I hope you like it and expect critique.

Regards, Will.


Although you said it wasn't right
At the time I got a fright
I thought we had a deep understanding
Of one another, friendship notwithstanding

Know that whilst I'm having fun
I'd be having more at your side hun
Although you may not feel the same
I know that I'm the one to blame

My past came up, now I leave it behind
My true love I wish to find
If you're not it, I will continue
To look for my love that is true

I wish you all the very best
In finding your love too
I now realize mine can't be with you

[smorzando]

Hi William, and welcome to the forum. Hope to see you around. =)

About that poem in your post.. your rhyme is a little bit forced, as if you are rhyming just for the sake of it. Poetry does not have to rhyme. Also, try to read your work out to yourself, because some lines are a bit too wordy and do not fit in with the rest of the stanza. Mind you, its pretty good, considering you have not written a lot of poetry. And of course, the most important bit is that if YOU think it's good, and it comes from the heart, then it IS good, whatever anyone else says.

smorz.

[Nemor]

I don't think it's good, I know it's not but I'm here to hopefully build onto it using peoples crits and practicing.

Reading it back though, I can see the Rap coming out in it. I see what you mean about not everything has to rhyme (in rap it does :S)

Thanks for the crit and the nice welcome, will work on this one a little bit see if I can make it flow more naturally.

[Zweihander]

hallo fellow countryman :)

[Yog]

Welcome, it's always good to see new faces and new blood.

On the poem I do feel the rhyme is a bit forced. As for content, I'm a little confused, as perhaps, you are. You set things up well enough in stanza one. In stanza two you seem to indicate a break-up with perhaps her responsible, or initiating the separation. In stanza three it seems that your past is involved, a former girlfriend perhaps. In the last stanza it would seem that you are initiating the break-up. Perhaps it is time for a break-up and both parties know it and are looking for an excuse that will let the other one down easy?

[Nemor]

I don't know whether or not it's good practice to explain what you mean in a poem, I know it's bad if you have to though lol.

First stanza is about when I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt and how it crushed me when she shot me down.

Second is about how I realized how much more I wanted to be with her, and that I realized it was my fault.

Three kind of emphasizes the second, and that she did have the same feelings but she had a little insight into past relationships and how she didn't want to be hurt like I had unknowingly hurt others.

And the last is basically me trying to put her behind me as nicely as I can without hurting her feelings.

Cheers for all the welcomes and crits btw :)

[Yog]

I don't know whether or not it's good practice to explain what you mean in a poem, I know it's bad if you have to though lol.

Bah! No worries on having to explain what you write. Poetry varies greatly on this matter as well. The only time you should be worried about having to explain a poem is if you intended it to be simple. Some poems are incredibly complex and almost always need explaining. (Check out TS Eliot and his works "The Wasteland" and "The Hollow Men" for an example of complex modern poetry.)

[Nemor]

Will do, thanks :D